Wednesday, July 26, 2006

“Lasting, Permanent, and Sustainable”

Those three words are officially slated to be the replacement jargon which will be used in the coming weeks in lieu of “enduring”, according to an exhaustive study conducted by me, this morning, while I smoked cigarettes and read the news. The study concluded that the conspicuous appearance of these three words in press releases from several nations today, most notably the United States, in reference to a nonexistent cease-fire in Lebanon, will also be used to describe Israel’s occupation of Northern Lebanon, now that they’ve intentionally fucked their chances of establishing a UN security force in the area (The words promise, jointly, to characterize my newfound disdain for the Canadian news media’s devised ignorance of this painfully obvious move. See below for idiotic, nearly-identical quotes from the CBC and the Globe and Mail).

You heard right: after demanding that the UN’s replacement force to control Hezbollah be “robust” (also a new hot term in the propaganda market), and heavily armed, a request that the UN filed under I, for “In your dreams, fascist nutbars”, the Israeli military blasted a UN observer outpost sky-high to ensure the UN’s official position continues to mount against the invasion. “Why?” you ask? Well, here’s the scoop. The US and Israel have been attempting to destabilize public opinion of the UN for years, measures including withheld funding, militaristic juntas in UN sessions, and a stack of media propaganda big enough to shake a Scud at. Now that Canada has joined in on the fun, with Neo-Crony, Stephen Harper at the helm, the right wing nations of the UN have decided that this is the time to strike a media blow at the UN’s credibility. About time, I say! Those filthy, do-gooder centre-lefties at the UN are one step away from blowing our cover in the Middle East! Huzzah!

The plan, which I’d call devious at worst, genius at most generous, is to extract a statement contrary to the invasion from, oh let’s say, Kofi Annan, the UN’s kooky, moderate Secretary-General, who has had a recent penchant for anti-fascism that rightly shivers the proverbial timbers of Neo-Conservatives and PNAC members the world over. As it were, that statement would be that the attack on a UN outpost seemed "apparently intentional." Ten phonecalls? Seriously Kofi, people spend a hell of a lot more effort to no avail than that to stop Israel from destroying their houses. Once the UN is established as 'against Israel' in the eyes of the international news media, right wing governments are set to begin lambasting the UN with charges as wild as “sympathetic to known terrorist groups” or something of the like (Don’t believe me? Wait three days). From there, I’ll bite my tongue ‘till my next post, as I piece together the strategy. Here’s the trailer: destabilize UN; cover up major massacre in Lebanon; stage attack in Gaza strip, then retaliate…

In the mean time, here’s some damning evidence that the Canadian news media will use this project to get Stephen Harper re-elected to a majority in a surprise election in, oh, let’s say, early October, caused by a no-confidence vote over the softwood thing:

“Prime Minister Stephen Harper says he doesn't believe Israel deliberately attacked a United Nations post, a bombing that resulted in the deaths of four UN observers, including a Canadian, in southern Lebanon.”

"He said he wants to find out why the UN post was attacked, but also why 'it remained manned during what is now, more or less, a war.'"

CBC news, Wednesday, July 26

"Prime Minister Stephen Harper said Wednesday he doubts that the fatal bombing of a United Nations observer post in southern Lebanon was a deliberate act."

"He said Ottawa now wants to know why the UN post was attacked and why it remained occupied during 'what is now more or less a war.'"

Globe and Mail, Wednesday, July 26